Fading Feelings... Bleaching Life.

Evertime I look up into the sky, strangely... I feel somehow distressed. Today, the sky also looked glum -- all white, as if it had no emotion at all. Everything pretty much felt bitter. My mind kept on wandering around in circles -- what was happening to life? Again, everything was bleaching, the colours seemed to be fading away. The atmosphere -- which before it was full of cheer and happiness -- became dull and boring!

But the worst thing that I experienced was "that". For some reason, my friends talk lesser to me -- especially my friends on Facebook. They became lifeless when we conversed. It made me feel sad and worried. Each time we talked, I really hoped for myself to bring out a good conversation -- but stupid me, I wasn't able to do it. Perhaps I felt too pathetic to start a conversation. To be honest, I really had no idea what to talk about.

Perhaps... this is what that person told me. About the dulling life. About the fading emotions.
But I don't want that to happen! Why? Why does this happen when I live my life to the fullest? Why does the excitement fade away just when I smile and bring out the true me? Why does the colours of the emotions bleach just when I realized about my true feelings?

It's absolutely not fair!

As everything became duller and blank, my feelings for that person began to... fade away as well. I cannot feel the heart-thumping footsteps anymore. I cannot blush like a used to anymore. I cannot smile widely anymore. But the most horrible thing is, I cannot express my feelings and emotions anymore.

Will everything I held between my hands... become dissolved?

I don't want life to become colourless.
I don't want my friends to become sad.
I don't want the world to become dull.
I don't want my feelings for that person to fade away!

Will someone listen to my distress? Perhaps Allah will. Perhaps they will.

A Silent Scream

Made in 28.10.08.
I was kind of bored and began searching stuff on my notebook -- fortunately I found this poem I wrote a long time ago when I was still on Dubai. [I was still pure that time. No perverted thoughts or anything. Ah, memories sure are good... XD]

The breeze flows calmly through the air once more,
Carrying the tear from my eyes;
Just a tear,
Lingering around the faceless meadow.
A silent scream roared in my heart.



I sit here with a worn-out smile --
While the breeze slashed right through the wounded cut,
Pain drifting the happiness away.
A silent scream roared in my heart.



If only the world could see what I feel,
Then, would the world, know who I am?
I've found, lost and feared the world so bad.
A silent scream roared in my heart.



Time and distance have erased from the map,
The things I wished anew was abolished for ever.
And now I find myself alone and empty once more;
A silent scream roared in my heart.



Confusion shattered my mind swiftly,
I am lost to reality and living in time,
Though I am struggling through life
A silent scream roared in my heart.



"Why do I always need to need you when you're gone?
Where do you go when I'm around?
What have I done, what have I lost that's so defeating?"
A silent scream roared in my heart.



Travelling from world to world I did,
To heal my wounds and search for the right elucidation.
I thought that I could live afresh, but again --
A silent scream roared in my heart.



A thunderous silence breaks in my thoughts,
What was once many great ideas --
Is now a triumph, lost.
A silent scream roared in my heart.



What would it be like to stay like this forever?
To be lost in my own words and thoughts?
From the inside, looking out --
A silent scream roared in my heart.



Does the world know how it feels,
To be afraid of something
That you can't do anything about?
A silent scream roared in my heart.



I want to overcome that unfamiliar feeling,
Which showers me with its antagonizing rays of betrayal,
Portraying nothing but false pretenses.
A silent scream roared in my heart.



Tonight my memories are still chasing it in my mind
And havoc they wreak in their desperate plight.
But it has vanished, slipped away into the everlasting night.
A silent scream roared in my heart.



Walk to the window and peer into the endless night,
The clouds and the winds are gone now;
Only the moon with the dim sparks of hope.
A silent scream roared in my heart.



So now, I journey on alone with my heart bare,
Forever wandering, toward the sunrise I will glide.
Hence I shall ask you once again,
What good is love.



"Life is bittersweet, alright."
The last silent scream roared in my heart.

Hmm, I really wonder if I should post this on Facebook or not. Argh, I'm so confused. I want to show my friends this poem, but I'm afraid that they'll think that I'm in love! Well, actually I'm not really in love. Even though...