A new goal

To be honest, I've always been waiting for this moment. The only moment I was waiting for since I came to Jakarta... I passed to 8th grade!
I know that someone people would say right now, "Well who cares?!" For your information: I care. I've been suffering for several months in the school I'm going now. Not that I hate it, but... the teachers are never satisfying me. They taught me horribly. I know that we should read the text books, however, there's something that is bothering me right now! How can they say that to the pupils?! They also say it in a bad way -- as if they don't care about teaching the students or something.
Ok, so here it ends my whining about the school. Let's move on.
Now that I graduated grade 7, I will have to make new goals -- just like I promised to my mom. (Ugh, I'm kind of regretting this...). Teachers told my parents about my struggles on every subject. About my horrible Indonesian (my native language), my strange behaviour, etc. Thanks to ''them'', my mom is pretty much worried and anxious about my studies. That's when I told her this:
"Mom, I will achieve this! Don't worry. I will defeat the smart people also!"
Naturally, my mom was glad that I had such a high spirit inside me. On the other hand, I was panicking even more when I uttered those words. My face? Was roughly like this as I entered my room to chill myself out:

As well, I might have turned crazy when I panicked.
Ah yes, here are the goals I want to reach (for the sake of my life):

• Learn Indonesian fully. -____- (nooo...!)
• Be an expert at maths.
  
• Read more Indonesian novels.
• Always study when have nothing to do.
• Learn civics.
• Learn economy and business.
• Learn how to control the temper.
• Be good at art.
• Write a short-story for a competition.
• Write at least three poems in Indonesian.
• Only buy mangas in free time.
• Contact far-away friends.
• Socialize with teachers.
• Learn the art of photography.
• Enhance the knowledge of literacy.
• Make a decision for a job when all of these options are done.

And there you go!
These list of goals are impossible -- I know. But of course, I will have to try them so that I can content my family. How nice of me. Hahaha :D

Words. Love. Quote. Action.

These are one of the quotes I found around the Internet (most useful source, lol). I think some of these are helping me to realize many things and many ways of life. I would like to share these to everyone who's viewing my blog right now.
I'm glad quotes exists in this world. Why? Well, it may teach you a lot of things about friendship and life. When I read all of these quotes, I realized that I made so many mistakes recently, so I tried really hard to fix them all. I'm pretty glad now. :)
What do you think about these quotes?

Is Hell Really Gone?

"YES! TAKE THAT!"
Yes, yes. That was my first thought when the final exams finished on Friday 19th. I was finally relieved -- but at the same time more stressed than ever. There are many tests that I couldn't make it well! I had to admit -- It was very hard. Not to mention that I just came to Indonesia (well 8-9 months ago) and then I had to learn my own native language by force. Imagine that my face was beaten like this:



At least it "looked" like that...
After the tests finished, I head home quietly but I could hear my own voice inside screaming for a celebration. Then the horror came.
When I opened the door, my mom immediately asked: "How's the tests?" I lied of course, "Pretty good." I don't know if she looked convinced or not but perhaps according to my instincts, she looked pretty convinced. Thank God, I smiled.
I just can't believe how hard the exams were! They were all killing my nerves and spines. To be pretty honest, I studied a lot but the questions + answers are totally unexpected! They didn't cover up my vision at all... I was pretty much stressed -- but I kept on remembering my promise to my mom.

"To pass 7th Grade"

How stupid I could be? I made some impossible promises... I sulked.
I hope hell is really gone! But what's more now?
High School = more exams
College = MORE MORE exams
Job = ...can't tell.

*bends and cries*

Life is so cruel sometimes..

I took this from a website called: http://japanese.about.com/od/introductoryjapaneselesso/a/lesson1.htm

Dialogue in Romaji

Tanaka: Konnichiwa.
Kimura: Konnichiwa.
Tanaka: Kimura-san, kochira wa watashi no tomodachi desu. Yamada Hiroko-san desu.
Yamada: Hajimemashite. Yamada Hiroko desu. Douzo yoroshiku.
Kimura: Kimura Ichirou desu. Douzo yoroshiku.
Yamada: Gakusei desu ka.
Kimura: Hai, gakusei desu.
Yamada: Go-senmon wa.
Kimura: Keizai desu. Anata mo gakusei desu ka.
Yamada: Iie, hisho desu.
Kimura: Sou desu ka.

Dialogue in Japanese

田中: こんにちは。
木村: こんにちは。
田中: 木村さん、こちらは私の友達です。 山田ひろ子さんです。
山田：はじめまして。山田ひろ子です。どうぞよろしく。
木村: 木村一郎です。 どうぞよろしく。
山田: 学生ですか。
木村: はい、学生です。
山田: ご専門は。
木村: 経済です。 あなたも学生ですか。
山田: いいえ、秘書です。
木村: そうですか。

Translations

Tanaka: Hello.
Kimura: Hello.
Tanaka: Mr. Kimura, this is my friend. This is Hiroko Yamada.
Yamada: How do you do? I'm Hiroko Yamada. Nice to meet you.
Kimura: I'm Ichirou Kimura. Nice to meet you.
Yamada: Are you a student?
Kimura: Yes, I am.
Yamada: What is your specialization?
Kimura: Economics. Are you a student, too?
Yamada: No, I'm a secretary.
Kimura: I see.

Manga List.

I have thought about this. Right, I'm going to make a manga list! And that's why my brain is so fixed on mangas. Hahaha.
OK, So here's a list of mangas (aka Japanese comics, if some of you don't know what it is) that I like, that I hate, that I'm currently reading, that I'm currently waiting for it to upload, that I dropped recently and more. :)
Please recommend more! Now I'm going to pick the ones I like. I'll continue the rest of it later on...

I like...

• Gakuen Alice by Tachibana Higuchi

• Pandora Hearts by Mochizuki Jun

• Kaichou Wa Maid-Sama! by Fujiwara Hiro
  

• Charming Junkie by Fukuyama Ryoko

• Cherry Juice by Fukushima Haruka

• xxxHolic by (don't really know, because there are so many!) <- don't read it a lot.. ha ha ha.

• Kyou Koi Wo Hajimemasu by Minami Kanan
  

• Hana To Akuma by Oto Hisamu

Agh. So sorry, I can't finish it. There are more to go! ><>

My Poem

The Woman Who Left With Hopelessness

A mysterious woman was there,
Sad and sad she felt,
She wanted freedom,
And fly like those golden eagles,
Spreading around the blue canvas,
With the sun on top of their might.

But the darkness embraced,
Embraced that freedom,
In a castle she lived,
Lived not happily ever after,
Treated as if she was a dog,
She couldn't take those bearings no more,
As she tried to escape from the,
The dark oblivion.

She tried to run away one day,
To run away from everything,
Lies,
Horror,
And hate.

Love was not a part of her,
Smile was not a part of her,
Then what is a part of her?

As she ran away,
The darkness began to embrace,
Embrace her freedom.

Feet felt lighter as she escaped,
Towards an old wooden boat she went,
With despair,
And with the last hope,
As she began to pray,
The wind kissed her frail skin,
Trees swayed their arms to warn her,
But her smile of the last hope remained.

A tear trickled,
Trickled slowly,
One tick passed deliberately,
That flash of light in her heart was fading,
But she kept on smiling,
Smiling her last hope.

As the last gust of wind kissed her rotting skin,
That flash of light faded,
Faded forever,
The hate she feared,
The loneliness she feared,
The horror she feared,
And the oblivion she feared...
Had embraced that frail soul,
With that last light of hope,
Forever.

Hahaha, sorry. I made this poem at school when I was in Dubai. It made me feel really sad... That's why whenever I read this poem again, a tear could fall out from my eyes. So, what do you think of the poem?

Madness

XXXXXX, xxth of June, 2009


"I...don't want to be hated by her..."

Those were my first words when I woke up in that gloomy day. I couldn't sleep very well and yet my mind kept on telling me to forget it -- but my instincts told me otherwise. After taking a shower and then I ate. My mom stared at me and I think that she's quite suspicious of my weird behaviour but I ignored her and ate a little bit faster, so that she can relax.

Dad took me to school and along the trip he sang along with the radio. Stupid goddamn radio, I thought -- annoyed. My mood was messed up yet I didn't even know why! Perhaps it is because of yesterday...
Yesterday... I mumbled inside my mind. And quickly panicked when my dad said, "Shania get off, we're at school already."

Without any reason, I swear that I could hear my heart thumping loudly in my chest as "that" person walked towards the gate from far. I entered to school quickly and said nothing to my dad.
Inside the corridor, next to class 8-A, I caught a glimpse of "that" person again. She seemed to be in a bad mood again and I guess that if I talked to her, she would ignore me again -- just like yesterday. I panicked again but then my stupid mind told me to be quiet.

Inside the class, waiting until the lessons start. I hid my face inside my bent arms on the table and panicked again. But after 2 minutes, it seemed that my consciousness faded and I think that I started to fall asleep...

.....
.........
.................
.........................

Few minutes later, I could hear someone put their things abruptly on the table and then I told myself in my mind,
I guess that's Tia.......... I wonder if she's really mad at me................
After that I fell asleep again.
3 minutes later, Laras showed up and also put her things a little bit abruptly. It surprised me and I accidentally lift my head up so that I can see her. But then my instincts told me to stay still -- it wasn't surprising.
Suddenly, stupid and idiotic tears rushed down to my cheeks! At first I wasn't aware of it but then when I lift my head up again, Laras seemed to stare at me then glanced quickly towards Tia -- I think. At that moment I mumbled,

"Laras, can you give me tissue...?"

She checked her bag and gave me one sheet. I wiped my face and then glanced quickly towards Tia. She was doing something -- perhaps drawing? I looked to Laras again and then she said something that I wasn't expecting to hear. Even though I forgot what her words were... but it sounded cutting, however I knew that she tried to cheer me up. I smiled anyway to erase my stupidity. I glanced at Tia many times and felt guilty. I'm just like a goddamn peeping tom! (forgive meeee.....)

Then 10 minutes later, Khalisha showed up. Laras screamed happily because Khalisha had never been to school so early -- usually she gets to school ten or twenty minutes later after the bell rings. Then Khalisha went to Tia and talked to her.
I wonder if she's mad too......
I thought with my mind full of worry, even though I wasn't supposed to be worried -- like Laras has said.
Throughout the lessons until the end of the school, everything was tiring... I forgot several homeworks but I decided to hide somewhere in my brain so that I can fully forget about it.

Well school was entirely boring. Even though I played and chatted with Laras, everything felt dull and silly and incomplete somehow. I kept on telling myself to smile to hide that depression in my heart. But I couldn't! That made Laras a bit mad also...

After school, I went to the car and told myself in my mind again,

I hope this ends very soon, please God. Let it end.

My Dream Diary part. 2

Hello everyone! I'm finally back. My apologies for the late post. I just had many things to do over the weekend -- you know: homework. So, now that I'm back, I would like to continue my previous post which it was called "My Dream Diary". Well, what do you guys think about dreams? Do they have any sort of meaning for you? According to my opinion, dreams CAN have a meaning sometimes... For example, you had a terrible dream -- to me, it might help you to face the real situation if the dream becomes a "DeJavu".
Now let us continue... (note: I copied the text from my real dream diary)

Friday, 21 of June:

....I don't know what to do...
This is so hard! After facing that stupid, ugly, weird dream...
I had a dream about myself. But it wasn't the real me. I was not happy-looking there... I was not friendly there...
It was the scary me...
And it made everyone hate me. My friends... my beloved friends... they hate me there -- in my dream. Also my parents and even strangers! The only thing I remembered was that I kept on insulting those people for no reason and kept on crashing chairs. It was not the real me at all!
It was... really scary. I hope this dream could never happen again. And I hope it will not happen in the real life!

My Dream Diary

Dreams...
Yes, what is a dream? Scientifically, dream is process when our brain starts to produce images, emotion, ideas and sensation during some stages of sleep. Dreams are quite common and usually it is about falling, you being "naked", make love with someone totally unexpected, etc.
Now the question I keep wondering day after day, do we still even remember the dream we had last night?
Who knows...
That's why, I came across to Google and typed: "how to remember a dream". Automatically, millions of websites popped right into my eyes -- I just clicked the first one. Then, a statement caught my attention: "Make a dream diary ..."Duh! Why didn't I think of that?
The next fine day, I finally bought a new diary -- since my old diary was stolen at school. At bedtime, I prepared the diary and set the alarm clock. I promised to myself that I was going to sleep for 10 hours so that I can witness the dream. Now, I am going to make another dream diary -- in this blog. Please note that some events may not be accurate because of my memory (I have a horrible memory). And be aware that the type of language I am going to use is not formal. Enjoy!

Sunday, 07 of June, 2009:

My first dream written in this diary! =D
I finally slept at 8 o'clock. And I know that some people might say that I'm an early bird or a nerd. Last night I dreamed about FALLING from the Grand Canyon. (I don't know why it's related to USA.. hmm. weird)
Oh yeah, just like this:



Even though this ain't real.. But still.. Would you be scared? I would -- a little bit. =P
Well that's it for the first entry for "Dreams"! I guess bedtime is calling me. Now I probably can record my dreams again . I hope I can write more entries from my diary so that I can share my experiences with dreams with you. Good-night!